Let your tears come. Let them water your soul. ~ Eileen Mayhew
2014 is the year that taught me to cry. And how! From silent tears flowing down my face to sniffling into a supporting shoulder to bawling away in the shower, I seem to have done it all. And I don’t mean that in a bad way. I have always had an issue with crying. I just could never get myself to cry! No matter what the situation, how sad or painful or hurtful it was, I could never cry. There would be this heavy pressure in my chest and unbearable pain in my heart and I would long for a release somehow but it never came. Not all these years. And suddenly this year it happened. One day I cried. Then it happened again. And yet again. Now it has become quite a common occurrence for me, but only when I am sad or hurt. Sometimes I am depressed, due to my thyroid levels or PMS, or just because I am overwhelmed by life and her sometimes inexplicable twists and turns. Now I finally know how it feels. I have to say it is a big relief to be able to cry but it is also a very sad, lonely place to be! I always have to remind myself that I need to stop sometime and that I need to move on. Its certainly not easy but I am doing it.
This year saw the beginning of a new friendship and it seems like one of those forever kind of friendships. On a few occasions in my moderately long life, I have met people who click with me in an instant and I just know that this is a friendship that’s going to survive all concepts of time and space. And I have been right. I am lucky to have few lifelong friends and no matter where they may be I am always connected to them somehow. So here’s a salute to my new friend who now shares my life story forever.
Besides that, it sure has been an eventful year for me. This year has been huge in terms of life changing decisions that I actually went ahead and worked on. Making plans in your mind is one thing. Going ahead and taking a step in that direction is a whole new ball game. And I was a player this time. Stuff that had been brewing in my mind for a long time came to the surface and I was forced to face them head on. A writing challenge that opportunely came up about the same time seemed like a message to me from the Universe and I used it to channel my thoughts as well as bare myself completely to the unknown world of digital media. My blog was purely raw, uncensored and true during those days. It was basically a peep into my inner mind and thinking process during one of the most crucial phases of my life. It was terrifying and I lost my nerve on various days but somehow I kept at it. Each time I wavered, a friend or well wisher egged me on. And I completed the challenge and in the process, reached my decision. I went ahead and declared it to my inner circle of people, and this brought about a turmoil that took some time to settle. I know I have made my choice and I am going to live with my decision without any regret. I harbor no ill will towards anyone nor will I feel any guilt for my choices. Someday I hope everyone affected by my decision will understand me. If not, then perhaps that is destiny. I will still move on. I always do.
When I look back some things that bother me about this year gone by are the things I started and did not complete. This would be Swimming lessons, Cycling daily, Regular exercise/walking/gymming, Tennis practice, etc. I intend to set this right in the new year. And I will do so. That’s a promise. And when I think of my accomplishments, I smile. This year started off with me completing my Sailing course. Later I started cycling daily since February preparing for an amazing trip. Then I was lucky to be part of a trip of a lifetime to Ladakh. Immediately after that we organized our annual Sangamam trip to Malaysia (KL-Langkawi-Penang-KL) in a relatively short time and it was a huge success. Then a really serious phase of my life started by July and went on till end of November, and during this intense period I interacted with many of my old friends and their immense love and unconditional support gave me the strength to handle my life as best as I could. I also went on and signed up for an FCPX (video editing) course in an authorized centre around the end of October and am almost close to completing it.
So overall I am happy about the way this year has shaped up. Of course it was a complete surprise how my life played out after the middle of the year but I know I am on the right path. Astrologically, some say that this was the year everyone had a chance to make a change. Either you take the risk and make the plunge or you pass the turn and continue your life as a status quo. This was the choice we all had. You and me. Each one of us. I know which path I chose. I hope you have made your choice well. If you chose the status quo, I wish you well. And if you made a choice to change then too I wish you well and also wish you lots of inner strength and courage. If however, you want to make a change and are yet to do so, there is still time. Whatever you do, make sure YOU make the choice. After all, its YOUR life.
Let me wish you a very thrilling and memorable 2015. Make it rock!
I don’t want to end up simply having visited this world. ~ Mary Oliver