Choices

Why is it so difficult to do the right thing? Why is it that sometimes the answer is so obvious but we don’t want to acknowledge it? Why is it that when you finally know what you want, you also realize that its not gonna happen? Why is it that you are so tempted to do something when you know it can change your life completely? Why does the little voice inside your head never leave your side? Why is it impossible to ignore that little voice completely? Why is the truth so hard to accept? Why is it so difficult to do the right thing?

I know what I want. I know it feels right. I know I can’t have it. Not as much or how I would have liked to anyway. I can compromise and still get a bit of what I want. It’s upto me now. I also know that someone will get hurt. I can make myself believe that its not my fault but it will be mine too, atleast partly. That makes it wrong. How can I be happy if my happiness could hurt someone else, for no fault of theirs? Ignorance is bliss, they say. How true. If I did not know my actions could hurt someone, then I’m absolved to some degree. Not fully but somewhat. Yet here no one can plead ignorance. It’s like saying I did not know that fire is hot or ice is cold. It’s so obvious. So the choice is between right and wrong. What does one do when irrespective of the choice you make, someone gets hurt? And either way, you get hurt too!

I wish I could go back in time and change a few things. But it was not meant to be. I am who I am because of my choices and I take full responsibility for it. No regrets, no complaints. Simple. Do I want to change that now? Can I be strong enough to forego something that would truly bring me joy? After all, happiness gained by hurting someone cannot last – atleast not for me. I know its gonna be very painful and hard but I also know I have no other choice. This is the only choice I can make!

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