How do I explain?

Today I feel better. Its been 5 days since my operation and finally the stitches are beginning to dissolve! Energy is slowly seeping back into my bones and I have only my Mom to thank for it. The past few days would have been hard for her. Already her advancing years has slowed her down a bit and then her menopausal agonies that never seem to go away and now this – her 30yr unmarried daughter who needs a lot of care and attention and more. The only prayer I can ceaselessly repeat would be thank god for mothers 🙂

So there I was resting (after another day of doing nothing!!) and watching Pulp Fiction on TV (which does not happen on my ‘normal’ working days) and it was getting to the interesting climax scene. Mom starts her evening puja preparations and decides to involve me in it – ‘atleast today’ according to her!! TODAY, of all the days…. Sigh!

She asks me why I could not (like all other normal ‘girls’) wash up and stop everything else I was doing and join her in the evening puja?! Why not, indeed? Well for starters, its not something I have ever done (unless for her sake) and I don’t believe in that ritual. Maybe its because I’m usually in office and can’t possibly stop everything else and do an evening puja. But hey, we do it in our office every Friday. Not me though! I don’t think I am religious. I can’t say I believe in religious customs, or even follow them religiously. Don’t get me wrong here. I don’t mock religion or religious traditions. I simply don’t believe in them.

So how do I explain to mom? What do I say? That I’m not like her? That I don’t believe in exactly the same set of principles and values as she does? That I believe in a “power” but prefer not to call it “God”? That I am not at all like her in many ways? That I could be different and yet we could share so much together? That it doesn’t mean I don’t respect her or love her any less? That I could give my life for her but can’t live it the way she wants me to?

How do I explain all this to her? Do I really need to explain? Will she understand? Or maybe I’m the one who hasn’t really understood her? Does she know it in her heart?

Perhaps I will know the answers someday … just not yet!

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