“on the edge”

I have almost always been known as the “cool cat” – one who does not get ruffled by chaos in their immediate environment. It’s not something I thought about consciously till about couple of years back when I wondered why I was the way I was. It dawned on me then that my rough childhood (overbearing dad and a constantly anxious and worried mom) had made me develop a kind of defense mechanism which allowed me to absorb high levels of stress and not let it affect me immediately. Thing is it does affect me. Later on. When I’m alone. With myself. So no one else knows. That used to be the case.

Now I have forayed into the cold cruel world of business and things have changed. I still do handle stress better than most others but the effects are seen quickly and by more people. Friends have started asking me why I seem to be edgy. My sister has requested me to watch it before it gets out of hand. And I can feel the difference.

A lifestyle that is typical of any modern day city person – early to work, high pressure and stress throughout the day, late return from work, some high intensity workouts when possible, and off to bed to recoup energy for the next day’s race.

Rat race, they call it. I wonder why. Rats seem to have it better sometimes.

So why am I edgy? Simple. I am living on the edge. Wonder when I will cross the limit or lose myself completely. I know its not worth it. I know there are better things to do. Dreams to fulfill. A life to live. Wonder when I will act upon that.

Until I do, its back to the race for now. Over & Out.

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