Withholding is a major, core problem in relationships. The dictionary says that
to withhold is to restrain, to hold back, to conceal. It is a habit learned
early, and it fades slowly if at all. Withholding is the act of holding back
something that needs to be said.

Withdrawal and projection are the natural outcomes of withholding. When you
withhold, you keep inside yourself things that should be expressed. The very act
of hiding these things takes you one step back from the relationship.

A result of this withdrawal is that you will begin to project. In other words,
you will begin to attribute to other people things that are actually issues of
your own. Withdrawal follows withholding so swiftly that often we do not notice
the sense of distance at first.

The tendency to hide how we feel is so ingrained that it often lasts long into
even the healthiest relationship.


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